A Series of Twilight Hybrid Parodies
by CumuloQ
Summary: What if Twilight merged with Harry Potter? Or with some other book that I can't think of at the moment, but will get around doing? Or maybe even a movie? Well, comedy is a definite result - I'm hoping. Please read and review!
1. Harry Potter Hybrid

**Twilight, Harry Potter Hybrid Parody**

**Disclaimer: **I DO NOT OWN either the Twilight series or the Harry Potter series. They belong to Stephanie Meyer and J.K. Rowling, respectively. This is purely a fan made parody of the two.

* * *

[A few years after Cedric's death]

**Harry:** Cedric … I, I thought you died!

**Edward:** I did.

**Harry:** Where have you been? Why are you still here; alive? Why has your accent changed?

**Edward:** Oh, um, it has?

**Harry:** Cedric, what happened? I swore you were dead. I saw you. I saw them drag your body away. I was at your funeral! Your parents were crying! Dumbledore made a whole speech in front of the whole school! You were dead! I swore you were dead!

**Edward:** Harry, let me explain, after my dying body was carried away he-who-must-not-be-named came after me. He – he bit me.

**Harry:** W-what?! He did what? B-but I'm the boy who lived! Why did he bite you?

**Edward: **He bit me, Harry. He is a vampire.

**Harry:** Voldemort's a vampire?

**Edward:** Of course. How else do you explain his pale complexion, slit nostrils, cold skin, he never goes out in the sunlight, he seems to be everywhere at once, he is terribly sadistic – and he has a penchant for dark attire.

**Harry:** Voldemort the vampire?

**Edward: **Yes.

**Harry: **I – I don't believe –

**Edward:** You need convincing, Harry? Is that what you need? [Jumps in a flash atop a branch of the nearest tree] I'm a monster, Harry. A complete monster.

**Harry:** [Gulps] Cedric, that's the Whomping Willow tree.

[Edward gets walloped but the branch breaks instead of him. He calmly throws the branch aside and walks back to his position near Harry.]

**Harry: **But, why didn't I know about this? I _always_ know about these things!

[Cho Chang suddenly appears]

**Cho:** C-Cedric?! Is that you? Is that really you? [pushes Harry aside] You look so – so –

**Edward:** Pale?

**Cho:** No – alive.

**Edward:** Why … thanks. I haven't slept in days.

**Cho:** I – I thought you died.

**Edward:** _I did die! I died! I'm dead_ … never mind.

**Cho:** Cedric, I – I'm so happy that you're here! [rushes to embrace him]

**Harry:** [Coughs behind her]

[Reading Harry's mind: Get away from her! She's meant to be with me! I'm the all-mighty, all-powerful, incredible, awe-inspiring, undefeatable, death-defying …]

**Cho:** [Quickly jumps away from Cedric/Edward's stone cold body] W-what happened to you?

**Edward: **I've changed.

**Cho: **I don't understand.

**Edward:** Cho, I'm not good for you.

**Cho:** I – I don't care.

**Edward:** No, I mean it. You better stay away from me if you know what's good for you.

**Cho:** What if I don't know what's good for me?

**Edward:** Damn it, Cho, I'm a vampire!

**Cho:** I don't care. I still love you.

**Edward: **I'll never understand your species.

**Cho: **Wizards and witches?

**Edward: **No. Girls.

**Harry:** Um, C-Cho, I'm a vampire too!

**Cho:** [Glares] You're a wizard, Harry – and not a very good one either.

[Reading Harry's mind: That's not true! I know lots of spells! And they're all-mighty, and all-powerful, and incredible, and awe-inspiring, and undefeatable, and death defying … I – I can do 'expelliarmus' and 'expecto patronum' and … and … um, oh crap, that's it, isn't it?]

**Edward:** It doesn't matter, Cho. I'm in love with someone else.

**Cho:** What!? Who? Don't tell me it's that stupid Lavender Brown. She's going around Hogwarts kissing all the good ones!

**Edward:** No. Bella Swan.

**Cho:** Who is that? I've never heard of her? Is she from Hufflepuff, the house no one ever cares about?

**Edward: **W – what _I _was from Hufflepuff!!

**Cho:** I swear I can duel her anytime – and win.

**Edward:** What? No, Cho, you will never lay a finger on Bella!

[Bad timing as usual, Bella, the trouble magnet, appears]

**Bella:** Edward, are these friends of yours?

**Cho:** Edward? He's Cedric, bitch. Cedric Diggory.

**Bella:** [Her eyes widen] Um, Edward, can we go? I hate these cold places. I should have never let you talk me into going to England. It's cloudy and rainy all the time. I can't feel my fingers – or my feet. That's … not … good. [Stumbles]

**Edward:** [Grabs Bella's arm gently] Yes. I think it is best we go.

**Bella: **[Shivers] Edward, not helping.

**Edward: **[Retracts hand] Sorry.

[Bella falls]

**Cho:** Cedric! No! I still love you! Come back, please!

**Bella:** [Looks sympathetic] Whoever you are, I know just how you feel. I almost lost Edward too, and it would hurt me very much if I lost him again. Without him, there would be no stars, or sun, or moon. Without him, I wouldn't even be able to breathe. I'd always have this hole in my heart, I'd never feel complete. I would have to hold myself together just to keep from falling apart. Without him, I'd be completely lost.

**Cho: **You skank!

[Harry, still standing around, looking depressed, is absolutely self-involved in his own loathing of himself. _Insert his one-page monologue here accompanied by tragic violin music._]

**Bella: **No, dear, you shall be just fine. Don't put yourself down. Because you know what you are? You are a strong, independent woman!

**Cho:** Shut up! I'm not independent, you albino! Have you _seen_ the way I date? I move from one man to another like a bloody leech! You don't _ever _call me independent! [Points wand at Bella]

**Edward:** Cho, don't you even dare.

**Cho: **I thought I'd lost you forever, Cedric! I really thought I did! But now you're standing here in front of me, and you don't want me? Is it because I'm in Ravenclaw? Because I'll switch to Hufflepuff just for you. I can be unpopular and forgotten in that black hole of a house. We can play on the same quidditch team together, forever – is that what you want?

**Edward: **…

**Bella: **Uh, Cho, is it? Look, I don't know if this might help, but we've got one lonely wolf – boy at home who might like some company?

**Edward: **You have got to be kidding me.

**Bella: **[hisses] Wouldn't you be glad to get Jacob away from me?

**Edward: **[Directs his mesmorising half-smile at Cho and dazzles her] Yes, Cho. Come back to Forks with us. Jacob is – great. You always wanted a pet dog, right?

**Bella: **Edward!

**Cho: **[Pauses for a second] Forks? Where's that?

**Edward: **America.

**Cho: **But that means moving away from home – [In Cho's mind: away from whiny clingy self-obsessed Harry] [smiles widely] sure!

**Harry: **[In utter disbelief] What? Cho? You're going with them?

**Cho: **Yes. I'm so sorry, Harry. I really mean it. Um, it's not me it's you.

**Harry: **Wait! That's supposed to go the other way around!

**Cho: **Uh … sure.

**Edward: **[Talking to Bella] Forks has vampires, werewolves – and now you want to bring a witch into the mix?

**Bella: **Yeah, I'm sorry, but Angela was not up for the job. I'm rehiring.


	2. The Notebook Hybrid

**Twilight, The Notebook Hybrid Parody**

**Disclaimer: **I DO NOT OWN either the Twilight series or The Notebook novel or movie. They belong to Stephanie Meyer and Nicholas Sparks, respectively, and to all the other rightful owners. This is purely a fan made parody of the two.

* * *

[End of New Moon, Bella sees Edward. Cue dramatic music.]

**Bella:** Edward! Why didn't you write me? Why? It wasn't over for me. I waited for you for seven months! I can't live without you!

**Edward: **I wrote you three hundred and sixty-five letters. I wrote you every day for every day I was away from you – and a few dozen more in a twenty-four hour span – because it's obvious that I hadn't been away from you for _that_ long.

**Bella: **You wrote me?

**Edward: **Yes!

**Bella: **Then how come I never received any of your letters?

[Cut dramatic music]

**Edward: **[Pauses] _Emmett_! I am going to kill him! I should have known that he wouldn't send them! And I had done it so nicely as well! You should have seen the stationery I used with the crème mesh paper and the little lilies – oh God, my meticulous handwriting! All for naught! All for naught!

**Bella: **Edward!

**Edward: **Ah, yes. Well, the fact of the matter was that I wrote you.

* * *

**A/N: **Thank you so much for the reviews! I really appreciate them. And all the favourites as well. Please feel free to request any other hybrid parodies, because sooner or later I'll run out of ideas. You can either suggest them through reviews or send me a message, either way I'll be sure to credit you if I choose to play around with your ideas. Furthermore, if anyone wishes to adapt any of these scenes into either comic strips or videos, please send me the link because I'd love to see them! Well, that's all from me.

_xoxo Hilmary.016_


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